Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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