ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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