My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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