my being single is dangerous.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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