I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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