i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
