I wish my penis had an off switch
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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