Walk of Shame. In a state park.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
