Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
