There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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