i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
