swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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