I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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