She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
