I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
