I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
