You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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