I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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