he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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