he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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