I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
