We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
