I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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