No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can I color on your dick again?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
