He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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