No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
