he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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