Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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