No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
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I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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