I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
