Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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