I wanna passion pit in your ass
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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