Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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