this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
