I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How does one acquire holy water?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
