I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
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How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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