Best friends brother. Beat that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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