So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
