I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
