accomplished twins. life is a go
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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