We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
