There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
