i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
