she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
