Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
