another moral hangover. fuck.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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