I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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