so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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