dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
