i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
