apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
