I want to walk on stilts...naked
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
