he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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