my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize