Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
