NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
