so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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