I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
