elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
