Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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