I wish i was in the wii world.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
