i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
