i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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