I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
