i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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