Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
