There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
