I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
smell my finger.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
