Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
