chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
