You can't special order awesome
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
