We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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