dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
