Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
