Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And then my night got REAL pukey
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
