gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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