Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
