And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
