i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
