If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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