I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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