i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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