god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
