is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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