My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
