She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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